Understanding Trauma in Teens: Hyperarousal, Avoidance, and Re-experiencing
If you're here, chances are you're experiencing a whirlwind of feelings—concern, frustration, and maybe a touch of hopelessness—as you try to figure out how to support your teen in the best way possible. For the last 16 years, I’ve been working with high-risk teens and their families, and I’ve noticed something important: trauma can pop up in surprising ways, especially in those everyday moments that might seem minor but can feel really heavy for your teen. There are three important diagnostic categories of trauma—hyperarousal, avoidance, and re-experiencing. It’s important to recognize how they might show up in your teen’s everyday life.
1. Hyperarousal: Always Feeling on Edge
Hyperarousal is when you feel like you're always "on edge," almost like your body is stuck in that fight-or-flight mode. Teens who are experiencing hyperarousal might seem a bit on edge, easily irritated, or really sensitive to little things that others might not even notice. For example, a sudden loud noise or a minor quarrel with a friend may elicit an exaggerated emotional response, such as yelling or retreating within oneself. It seems like their nervous system is always in overdrive, which makes it tough for them to relax.
Some typical signs of hyperarousal in teens could be:
Having difficulty falling asleep or constant nightmares
Struggling to focus in school
Being easily startled or jumpy
Getting really upset or annoyed about little things
As a parent, it can be tough to figure out why your teen reacts so strongly to things that don’t seem like a big deal. It's good to understand that trauma changes the way our brain reacts to things, and those strong reactions usually happen automatically, not on purpose.
2. Avoidance: Staying Away from Painful Reminders
Another common way trauma manifests itself is through avoidance. Teens might make efforts to steer clear of situations, people, or places that bring back memories of the trauma they’ve experienced. How avoidance shows up can vary from one teen to another. Some people might skip certain classes at school, steer clear of social interactions, or suddenly stop enjoying activities they used to love. Avoidance is how our mind tries to shield itself from going through that painful experience again.
Imagine a teenager who was bullied in a specific hallway at school. Even after the situation has calmed down and the bullying is no longer an issue, they might still avoid walking through that hallway altogether. This is a way of protecting themselves, even though the original threat is gone. Even though avoiding things might feel good for a little while, it can actually keep your teen stuck in a cycle of feeling alone and disconnected, which makes it tough for them to participate fully in their day-to-day.
Signs of avoidance include:
Steering clear of certain people, places, or activities that bring back memories of the trauma
Pulling away from friends and family
Losing interest in hobbies or things they used to enjoy
Feeling emotionally numb or detached
3. Re-experiencing: Reliving the Trauma
Re-experiencing happens when your teen might find themselves reliving a traumatic event without meaning to. This could show up as flashbacks, unwanted memories, or even really intense nightmares. Sometimes, it’s the little things that can bring back those moments—maybe it’s a smell, a particular type of weather, or even a phrase someone says that takes you right back to that traumatic experience. For teens, this can be really confusing and a bit scary, especially since they might not always get why their body or brain is reacting so intensely to something that seems unrelated.
Teens who re-experience trauma often describe feeling like they are "stuck" in the past, even when they are physically present in the moment. Those flashbacks or intrusive thoughts can really make someone feel vulnerable and emotionally overwhelmed.
Some ways re-experiencing trauma may show up include:
Intrusive thoughts or memories of the traumatic event
Flashbacks where it feels like the trauma is happening again
Feeling emotional pain or having physical responses, like a racing heart, when something triggers memories of the trauma
Recurrent nightmares about the traumatic event
Trauma in teens can sometimes appear as reactions that seem exaggerated or confusing in relation to the situation, but it’s important to remember that these responses are their brain’s way of coping with trauma that hasn’t fully been processed yet. Your teen is dealing with something that seems way bigger than the everyday stuff they encounter, whether it's through hyperarousal, avoidance, or re-experiencing. As caregivers, your job isn’t to fix everything but to make a safe space where they can share their feelings, feel supported, and get professional help if they need it.
Getting a grasp on how trauma affects your teen's everyday life is the first step in helping them heal. There isn't a single solution that works for everyone, but by working together, we can help them discover healthy ways to cope that enable them to manage their emotions and take charge of their lives again.
Let’s walk this journey with compassion, patience, and hope.
