The Weight of a Name: Unpacking Generational Patterns and Conditioned Responses
I spent a lot of time naming Carter and Violet—literally countless hours. There’s something about a name; the way the first, middle, and last names come together in perfect harmony. In my mind, there was a flow that needed to be fulfilled, and I took pride in finding the perfect names.
When I was growing up, my Dad instilled the value of family, and my last name, Trujillo, became an adjective of sorts—a standalone name that carried so much weight and meaning. You’re a Trujillo, he would say. In his eyes and for much of my family, Trujillo meant fortitude, resiliency, courage, beating the odds, and in many ways, it signaled anything but weakness.
It got me thinking; What’s in a name?
The other day, I was attempting to get Carter’s attention, and after a few attempts, my voice got louder, and I called out Carter’s full name; middle and last name included. It was so automatic for me to reach this stage, knowing that using all three names would give me better odds at getting his attention. And Carter, without hesitation, stopped what he was doing and looked up. It works similarly with Violet too, though I throw in a variation here and there. When I really need her attention, it’s Violeta; something about speaking in Spanish really gets her attention.
As I take note of this name game, I laugh because it’s as though using the full force of their names signal, I’m serious, it’s time to pay attention. It’s a quick fix, though it doesn’t provide lasting results.
This also comes full circle for me...
One of those moments where I think, Yep, I sound just like my parents. I remember my parents doing the same thing—asserting their power through the use of my full name. I love these full-circle moments because they offer an opportunity to pause and take note of how accustomed we are to conditioning and how we carry the characteristics of those before us so automatically and often times, without question.
The Power of Generational Patterns
This reflection on names and parenting isn’t just about nostalgia; it’s a clear example of generational patterns at play. Generational patterns are the behaviors, beliefs, and practices that are passed down from one generation to the next, often without conscious awareness. These patterns can be as simple as the way we discipline our children or as complex as the values we hold dear. When I find myself using my children's full names to get their attention, I’m not just parenting in the moment; I’m also drawing on a well-worn path laid down by my parents and possibly their parents before them.
Generational patterns often carry with them an emotional weight that we may not fully understand until we start to unpack it. For my family, the name “Trujillo” is loaded with meanings of strength, resilience, and courage. But with that strength also comes an unspoken expectation—You must be strong; you cannot show weakness. This is where the conditioning begins.
Conditioned Responses: A Double-Edged Sword
Conditioned responses are the automatic reactions we develop over time, often based on the reinforcement of specific behaviors. They can be helpful, like learning to stop at a red light, but they can also be limiting when they go unexamined. In the context of parenting, these conditioned responses can manifest in how we discipline, communicate, or even express love.
For instance, when I instinctively use my children's full names, I’m drawing on a conditioned response that says, This is how you get attention; this is how you assert authority. It’s effective in the moment, but it’s also a behavior that was passed down to me without question. The question then becomes: Is this the best way to communicate with my children? Does it align with my personal values and parenting priorities?
Breaking the Cycle: Conscious Parenting Decisions and Personal Growth
This brings us to the heart of the matter—awareness and choice. Generational patterns and conditioned responses aren’t inherently good or bad; they simply are. The power lies in our ability to recognize them, question them, and decide whether they serve us and our families today.
Here’s the beauty: You have a choice. You get to choose what continues to be a fit, what’s outdated, and what needs to be recycled. So, the next time you find yourself having a full-circle moment or asking, Where did this idea come from?—take a pause and get curious:
Where did this idea come from?
Does this conditioning bring comfort or discomfort?
Is this behavior a fit for my personal values or parenting priorities?
What thoughts and feelings come up for me as I examine this?
Once you’ve had time to curiously observe and sit with the conditioning, it’s time to make a choice:
Does it make sense to keep and continue moving forward with the behavior?
Is it time to let this behavior go? - Are there aspects you like and bring comfort?
Maybe it’s time to put your own spin on it and make it your own unique fit?
Embracing Change While Honoring the Past
By taking the time to reflect on these generational patterns and conditioned responses, we can create a more intentional and conscious approach to parenting. This doesn’t mean we must reject everything passed down to us—far from it. There’s immense value in the wisdom of previous generations. But with that wisdom comes the responsibility to adapt and evolve, ensuring that the patterns we pass on to our children are ones that serve them well in their own lives.
