Understanding the Rational and Emotional Mind in Teens

It’s a miracle most of us survive our adolescent years.

It’s hard to ignore how the inner worlds of adolescents are often a battleground between logic and emotion. There’s a constant tug-of-war between the rational mind and the emotional mind, yet understanding this conflicting dynamic doesn’t necessarily settle the constant worry that parents often face, 

• Do they understand the real consequences of their choices?

• Is my teen going to make good decisions? 

• Do they have the tools to say no, walk away or stand up for themselves? 

• Will they be safe?

When I’m working with teens, I consistently address the rational and emotional mind, a concept that addresses how the brain processes information differently. While both minds often conflict, especially in adolescents who are still developing the ability to balance these two forces, it’s important to remember that one mind isn’t necessarily better than the other. 

Let’s get the specifics...

• Rational Mind

  This section of the brain is rational, factual, and reason-driven. Consider it the executive decision-maker, who weighs pros and cons and makes evidence-based decisions. The logical mind dominates in situations requiring clear thought, such as solving math problems or making future plans. 

• Emotional Mind

  The emotional mind is where feelings and impulses rule. This region of the brain responds to experiences based on how it feels in the present. When teens act out, lash out, or are overwhelmed by strong feelings of anger, sadness, or excitement, their emotional mind is in control.

This is where things become tricky...

The emotional brain, notably the amygdala, develops significantly faster than the prefrontal cortex, which is responsible for reasoning. The prefrontal cortex, which is responsible for decision-making, impulse control, and long-term planning, does not fully grow until we are in our mid-20s. As a result, when an adolescent makes impulsive or irrational judgments, it's usually because the emotional brain is taking over while the rational brain is still catching up. 

What Does this Look Like in Teenagers? 

Here are some scenarios you may recognize: 

• Emotional Outbursts

  One minute, your teen seems fine, and the next, they’re slamming doors or crying uncontrollably. This is an example of the emotional mind overcoming the rational mind. They may struggle to explain why they are sad or feel overwhelmed by emotions they are unable to control.

• Risky or Impulsive Behavior

  Risky or Impulsive Behavior: You may think, "Why on earth would my teen do that?" Whether it's staying out after curfew, experimenting with drugs, or indulging in harmful social media conduct, these acts are frequently motivated by the emotional mind's desire for quick reward, connection, or escape, while the rational mind isn't completely prepared to intervene.  

• Indecision or Avoidance

  On the other hand, emotional stress can paralyze teenagers, resulting in avoidance behaviors such as procrastination, social withdrawal, or refusal to make decisions. Their emotional mind may overwhelm them with anxiety or fear, drowning out the rational mind's ability to carefully assess the situation at hand. 

Tips for Caregivers to Support Teens 

• Find a Balance

  It’s hard to stand by and watch our teens making impulsive choices. Our natural inclination is to jump in and react, which is why we need to learn to pause, step away from the situation, and re-center ourselves. Using our understanding of the still-maturing brain, we can balance praise with consequences. Teens need to know that we see the good in them, so as a parent, it’s important to acknowledge times when they are making positive choices. Teens also thrive with boundaries, so when they make a bad decision, hold them accountable by integrating understanding with responsiveness. When parents approach teens with compassion, teens are more likely to engage in the discussion of what an appropriate consequence could be.

• Create An Agreement—Together

  This tip comes from a foundation of understanding that teens are going to experiment and engage in risk-taking behaviors. This is normal. The agreement centers on you and your teen identifying what will happen when they do engage in poor-decision making. You can say, “I want you to have fun and make positive choices; I also know that sometimes you will do something you’re not supposed to. I want us to talk about those moments. I agree that when you come to me, we’ll talk about what happened calmly. Then, we can come up with consequences together.” When teens know they can expect a collaborative talking zone, they’re more likely to partake in a plan that is realistic versus punitive. Remember to praise your teen when they come to you—this will pave the way to better communication.

• Explore Consequences and Solutions

  You can teach your teen how to think about the short- and long-term consequences of their choices through effective problem-solving and decision-making skills. This can be done proactively or after a behavior has been carried out. Define a problem or use a real-life scenario, then list different solutions, including those with negative consequences. Next, address potential short- and long-term consequences for each solution. Choose one of these solutions, put it into action, and then evaluate the solution. Did it work? Was it met with receptivity or resistance? If a solution didn’t go as expected, choose another one and try again.

As caretakers, you are uniquely suited to help your teen in navigating the often-complicated interaction between their intellectual and emotional minds. Understanding how these two sections of their brain interact—and occasionally conflict—will allow you to better help them during times of emotional overwhelm or impulsive decision-making.