Stepping Into My Core
Looking Back
As a parent, I’ve often found myself caught in the trap of perfectionism and control. It’s a safety net, one that I instinctively wove for myself early on, believing that if I could just manage everything around me, I could keep myself and my loved ones safe. This approach, while seemingly protective, was more about shielding myself from the overwhelming fear and uncertainty that comes with raising kids. The idea of letting go, of allowing things to unfold naturally, felt impossible. I carried this controlling nature into my parenting, believing it was my responsibility to fix everything, to prevent any misstep or failure.
Behind The Mask
Yet, there came a point where I realized this approach was no longer sustainable. My life, like that of so many parents I’ve worked with, felt like it was unraveling. The anxiety was relentless. There wasn’t a single, dramatic event that led to this realization, but rather a series of moments that gradually illuminated the truth: the version of myself that clung to control was no longer serving me or my family. I needed to step back and rediscover who I was outside of the roles and titles I had assumed—Mother, Caregiver, Protector, Professional. In October of 2018, I made a significant life change that allowed me to reclaim my identity as I stepped into my next chapter of my life with the unknown casting itself upon me.
Removing The Mask
I began to see that I had been conditioned to fit into a system that dictated what it meant to be a “good parent.” I had naively accepted these rules, never questioning them, even as they drove me deeper into emotional exhaustion. I was carrying the weight of others’ expectations—whether they were from society, family, or even myself—without ever pausing to ask if they made sense for me or my family. I was drowning in this sea of external pressures, all while trying to stay afloat as the parent of a child who needed me to be present, not perfect.
A Higher Perspective
What I’ve come to understand, both as a parent and as a therapist, is that the universe often nudges us towards change through experiences that challenge our deeply held beliefs. For me, these experiences opened the door to a new way of thinking, one that prioritizes curiosity and questioning over rigid control. This shift has profoundly influenced my parenting. Instead of reacting out of fear or a need to maintain control, I now take the time to return to my core, to listen to what truly feels right for me. This practice of checking in with myself allows me to trust that the decisions I make, even in the most challenging situations, are in the best interest of my children.
Maintaining this sense of self amidst the responsibilities of parenting, requires intentional practices that keep me grounded. Here are five things I do for myself to help maintain the core of who I am:
Journaling
I can’t take intentional action or lead authentically if I’m not honest with myself. Journaling offers a private space for me to process emotions, reflect on parenting challenges, gain perspective, and clarify my next steps. Not only does this help me stay connected to my inner self, it keeps me aware of any creeping tendencies that lead me back to old patterns.
Habit Tracking
I track my daily habits to stay accountable and consistent in my self-care practices. Whether it’s ensuring I drink enough water, exercise daily, read 20 pages, or stay on track for a healthy bedtime routine, keeping a simple record helps me stay on-track and make adjustments when I find myself veering off-track.
Setting Boundaries
While I’m sure I’ll be a life-long learner in the art of saying no, I understand the importance of creating healthy boundaries that protect my time and energy. Saying yes is now intentional; a commitment to take action with my values and priorities leading the way. While my foundational values stay firmly rooted, I’m consistently assessing what needs my immediate attention.
Creativity
Creativity is more than just artistic expression—it’s a powerful tool for problem-solving and self-discovery. Engaging in creative activities, whether I’m drawing, making something crafty, or even brainstorming new ideas, allows me to tap into a part of myself that is often overshadowed by routine and responsibility. It’s my way of breaking free from conventional thinking and exploring new perspectives.
Maximizing Time
Time management is crucial, requiring flexibility, especially when I’m juggling the demands of parenting and work. Often times, strategic multitasking is the name of the game, which means answering emails as I wait in the valet line for after-school pick-up, or hosting family meetings in the car as I taxi Carter and Violet from one activity to the next.
This isn’t the prettiest of processes, yet it ensures I get the important pieces done, all while minimizing overwhelm. These practices help me maintain a strong sense of self, enabling me to approach parenting and my therapeutic work from a place of clarity. As I continue to evolve in my role as a parent and a therapist, these strategies remain vital to my ability to support others while staying true to who I am.
