Parenting High-Risk Teens: Building a Village of Support
Parenting a high-risk teen can sometimes feel like you're on an island, isolated by your fears, surrounded by never-ending questions, and more than enough self-doubt to keep your mind spinning and racing. While we live in a more individualistic society, one that favors a self-reliant determination, where we’ve learned to push through and persevere, I’m here to remind you that parenting does not have to be a solo endeavor. While it’s easy to fall prey to an autonomous mindset, this lone-wolf mentality no longer needs to be our go-to standard.
Supporting a high-risk teen can be one of the most demanding and vulnerable experiences for a parent. Community holds great strength and power; connecting you with those who resonate with your experiences, yet for most caregivers, seeking support can feel a bit overwhelming.
Parenting is deeply personal and as caregivers, we tend to think of parenting in black-and-white terms, when our teen is doing well, we feel good in our parenting. Yet the alternative, when our teen is struggling, carries an emotional weight that is incredibly heavy, and sometimes paralyzing.
Shame, guilt and a scrutiny of negative self-judgments shape the way we think and make decisions as caregivers and relinquishes our ability to trust that we know what we’re doing. When we don’t trust our own abilities, it’s easy to fall into a pattern of isolation, minimizing the realities of our struggles and we resist outside support for fear that others will deem our parenting not good enough.
The Importance of Seeking Community and Professional Guidance
Building a support system isn’t just helpful—it’s essential. Being in the company of those who can truly empathize with your experiences, can lighten the load of the challenges experienced. Being part of a community can provide different perspectives, emotional support, various resources and recommendations, and above all, a renewed sense of hope. Professionals like therapists, school counselors, and specialized coaches, to name a few, offer valuable expertise and an objective perspective that can help alleviate worry and frustration, therefore guiding you toward effective strategies for your teen’s continued growth.
As I share this last piece, I can’t help but wonder, How many caregivers understand this seeking support piece from a rational perspective? And how much resistance is based on emotional overwhelm, vulnerability and fears surrounding change?
From a subjective perspective, most parents understand the many benefits of seeking help, yet when vulnerability takes the front seat, rationality isn’t equipped to override emotional overwhelm or nagging fears of not good enough. Asking for help amplifies vulnerability and uncertainty. For many caregivers, acknowledging the need for help equates to admitting failure, igniting further feelings of inadequacy.
Here’s the tricky part…
Change begins by recognizing that vulnerability is a strength. Vulnerability doesn’t always feel good, yet the long-term benefit of leaning into messy discomfort, one small step at a time, can transform fear into hope. We each have a choice, that is, if we dare to replace isolation with the reassurance that parenting doesn’t have to be faced alone.
Support Systems
If you’re wondering where to start, here’s a list of places to explore when building your village:
Therapeutic Services: Partnering with a Licensed Psychotherapist or Counselor who specializes in high-risk teens can give you personalized recommendations, actionable steps for change, and help you prioritize what steps need to be taken first.
Local Support Groups: Many communities have in-person and Telehealth groups tailored to specific needs around parenting. Depending on the group type and structure, groups provide a safe space to share experiences, learn from others that have similar experiences, and develop new skills and resources to practice at home.
Online Forums and Social Media Groups: Virtual spaces can connect you with parents from different locations who share similar struggles. Look for groups moderated by professionals who can nurture a constructive and supportive environment.
Educational Workshops and Seminars: Schools, non-profit locations, private practice settings and therapy centers often offer hour-long, or one-day intensives tailored to parents of teens dealing with mental health, addiction, and other behavioral concerns
Faith-Based Communities: If spirituality is important to your family, many religious organizations offer counseling and support groups rooted in shared values.
Final Thoughts
When you surround yourself with caring, and like-minded individuals, you enhance your ability to support your teen and maintain the understanding that your needs are important too. By embracing a collective approach, whether it's working with a professional team or a community network, you’re equipping both yourself and your teen with valuable resources. Working together brings collective knowledge, reduces oversights, and provides additional support during challenging times. It also highlights for your teen that asking for help, while a vulnerable step, is more than okay, and a sign of strength.
