What is Therapy Really Like?

What is therapy really like?

I’m often asked this question; it’s typically prompted after I share, I work with high-risk adolescents. While I don’t share the details of my profession to maintain the confidentiality of my clients, this question ultimately prompts my own curiosity, what is it that I really do?

Yes, there’s your typical, as seen on TV; a comfortable couch positioned across from where I sit, mixed amongst what I believe is a cozy space that looks more like a living room than an office. The hum of white noise fills the room, shelves are lined with books, and the décor reflects an atmosphere that says, comfort meets professionalism.

Each session is uniquely tailored to the individual needs of the client. Sometimes, it involves deep conversations. Other times, it might include creative activities, yoga, or moments of silence where clients are encouraged to simply sit and reflect. Therapy isn’t a one-size-fits-all, yet it is a dynamic process that requires mutual trust where client’s feel understood and supported as they navigate personal challenges and life’s circumstances.

Honestly speaking, I don’t know that I can summarize the behind-the-scenes realities that is therapy. Now, if you asked me, what do you love about therapy?

 I’d say, I love asking the tough questions.

Questions aren’t just about gathering information; they’re designed to help clients explore thoughts, feelings and experiences in a contained environment. Through this process of raw honesty, clients often discover insights they hadn’t previously observed.

Here are 5 questions I commonly ask:

•  Why can’t it be both?

 This question is an invitation to move beyond either/or thinking, which ultimately asks clients to place a higher value on one belief over another. Instead, the goal is to gently nudge clients into a space where two truths can simultaneously exist. Cognitive dissonance, a clinical term, refers to the discomfort we feel when holding conflicting beliefs. We often resist experiences where opposing truths coexist because it fuels inner conflict. Yet, through curious observation, not only do we learn to hold space for complexity, we learn to value opposing perspectives, which fosters flexibility and creates more peace of mind.

•  What’s the pattern over time?

 Patterns give context, and context provides clarity. When client’s understand context, they learn to interpret patterns with increased insight and greater self-awareness. This is where we zoom out and identify recurring themes, not only within ourselves, but also within our interactions with others. When clients start seeing the patterns, it’s much easier to implement boundaries and embrace intentional choices that break unhealthy, and repetitive cycles.

•  Is that the person you want to be?

 This question typically feels like a punch to the gut and one that strikes at the heart. This isn’t an inquiry about happiness, it’s an opportunity to close the gap on who they are now and who they want to be. Life can be messy and we’re constantly taking on roles we don’t want, engaging in routines that feel monotonous, and reacting in ways that don’t feel authentic to who we are. This question is a moment to check-in—are my behaviors and choices aligned with my values?

•   Are you acting in awareness with your choices?

It’s easy to fall into autopilot mode, making choices without intentionally thinking about the why behind the behavior. While this question asks clients to perceive their choices in slow motion and reflect on behaviors with curiosity, it’s also about making U-turns. Self-awareness is intended to give insight, and insight paves the way for a change in behaviors. Realistically though, most clients still choose not to U-turn and continue with old habits. Knowing that it’s natural to make not-so-good choices with awareness, this question opens the door to client’s reclaiming their power over time.

• Do they have the resources to be that person?

This question highlights a fundamental truth: not everyone has the capacity to show up in the way we might hope. Whether it’s directed inward—about themselves—or outward—toward others—it’s a reality check on expectations. Clients often place pressure on themselves or others to be a certain way, without recognizing the limitations that might be present. This question is an invitation to let go of disappointment and resentment because we’re considering whether this person has the resources—emotionally, mentally, or even situationally—to meet a specific standard we set.

Therapy offers the space for tough questions to support self-reflection and uncover deeper truths. Through curious observation and exploration, therapy becomes the mirror to re-connect honestly with one’s self.