Parenting is a Gift
When my daughter, Violet, was 3, she was obsessed with Frozen. One evening, we were driving home and singing Into the Unknown, a song from Frozen II, on repeat for 30 minutes. By we, I mean Violet. I was sighing and cringing on the inside. I couldn’t wait to be home so I could finally stop the music, only to remember that Violet’s new habit was to walk directly to Alexa, and ask her to play Into the Unknown, on repeat, until bedtime.
As we’re stopped, I turned around. Violet’s in her car seat holding a half-eaten granola bar, which was now a microphone. She was singing, chocolate on her face, and her other hand was swaying side to side, synchronizing with the music. She was fully immersed in this moment and there was nothing that could pull her out of this beautiful performance; a performance not limited by the expectations of what others might think or say.
Life completely stopped and something within me shifted. In this exact moment, Violet was the only thing in the world that absolutely needed my full attention.
YOU’LL OFTEN HEAR ME SAY, PARENTING IS A GIFT.
Our children gift us with these moments often, yet we miss them or minimize their importance because we’re overly focused on the endless to-do list and forget to pause from the hustle of everyday life, or we’re stuck in our overwhelming emotions. When we pause, taking a moment to curiously observe our internal process, we create the space to further understand ourselves with awareness, and identify what an experience means or represents for us.
This experience sparked feelings of annoyance for me. Digging deeper, I was really triggered by my choice to ignore my boundaries, saying Yes to Frozen for 30 minutes, when I really wanted to say, No. You might be thinking, Seriously Christina, it’s just a song. You’re right, yet I made a decision to disregard what authentically felt right for me.
Violet provided me with the opportunity to self-reflect on my internal process and identify that I needed more practice. Boundaries are hugely important to me and I want both of my kids to learn their importance. This means I need to model boundaries through my actions, in my communications, and this also means saying No.
I needed less Frozen; Violet wanted more. In the end, we came up with a plan that allowed Violet to engage in Frozen on repeat to her heart’s content and I received the necessary space to disengage when I needed to.
HOW DO WE UNCOVER THESE PARENTING GIFTS?
(1) FROM SURFACE TO CORE
When you experience an interaction that brings any discomfort to the surface, get curious by asking yourself some of the following questions.
What is my body signaling to me? What physical sensations do I feel?
Does this interaction remind me of anything I’ve experienced before?
What emotions am I feeling?
What is it about this experience that has me feeling (add emotion)?
(2) PARENTING PRIORITIES
Often times, these on-the-surface discomforts tie back to our personal expectations and foundational values. Take time to list your parenting priorities using the prompts below.
Then ask yourself,
How often am I modeling this or personally engaging in this value?
What is it that I want my teen to learn or value?
I really want my child to learn the importance of…
I wish I would have learned this earlier…
I get so bothered when others don’t…
(3) UNEXPECTED LESSONS
Some of our most trying times can be our greatest teachers.
Ask yourself,
What could this experience be teaching me? What has it taught me?
Is there anything within this experience that I need to practice?
Are there things I needed in this moment that could have made it less overwhelming?
In the future, is there anything that could support a situation like this?
