What Ariana Grande and The Beatles Have Taught Me
EVER FEE LIKE A TAXI DRIVER SHUFFLING YOUR TEEN FROM ONE PLACE TO ANOTHER?
Prior to having Carter and Violet, I heard this taxi driver term from many of the parents I worked with. There was an edge of frustration and helplessness, mixed with an air of acceptance, it is what it is.
In the fall of 2021, Carter entered third grade and Violet started Kindergarten, and they would have two separate dismissal times, one hour apart. I was not happy. The thoughts flooded in, This is so inconvenient for my schedule, What am I going to do for an entire hour with Violet?, I can’t go home; school is on the other side of town…
At the time, I was making more of a conscious effort to slow down and this hour gap felt like a giant slap at my attempt to set more effective boundaries. Our schedule was full; I was already overwhelmed by the stress of driving across town in every direction between school and after-school activities, and these separate times made me hyper-focused on this hour.
At one point during the school year, Carter asked for my phone, Can I play DJ Mom? I replied with yes.
SAYING YES COMPLETELY CHANGED MY PERSPECTIVE
Here’s what I learned:
Traditions Can Be Born When We Least Expect It.
Playing DJ is now a huge part of our driving routine. Carter, Violet and I take turns picking songs. Carter leaned toward The Beatles and classic rock. Violet was all about Ariana Grande and other pop-like artists. I throw in a mix of everything. This tradition continues to travel with us on various road trips and one of my favorite parts is when we all come together to sing along and dance like no one’s watching. Not only have we crafted this beautiful tradition, we now get to reminisce about the fun we’ve had traveling in the car.
Acceptance For What Is
Playing DJ has created a space for tolerance and learning the art of taking turns. We don’t always love the choices of the other, the repetition of favorite songs from one day to the next, and I’m sure my kids would love to bypass my personal all-out karaoke moments singing songs from my childhood. Yet, there’s a beauty in holding space for the authentic music choices of the other to come forward, while also supporting the raw silliness of a song and dance without judgement. We simply get to be.
Slowing Down Takes on Different Forms
By nature, I’m a multitasker, which means I can easily get caught in the vicious cycle of maximizing every single minute of my day. I’m talking sitting in the valet line for pickup and responding to emails, while I’m scheduling appointments on the phone, or grabbing a protein shake and literally running to grab groceries next door while it’s being made. Playing DJ, in a lot of ways, has given me permission to stay present and be still. When the music is playing, I’m immersed in connecting with Carter and Violet and some of the best conversations have happened because the mood is light, and there’s no expectation for direct eye contact.
Embracing The Duo
The kids and I are big on 1:1 time and this is one of my parenting priorities as a single Mom. There’s a unique dynamic when it’s just two of us, versus us three together. One is not better than the other, it’s simply different. When Violet and I had the one hour without Carter, it provided countless opportunities to connect and chat with more vulnerability. We went to the library, grabbed yummy treats, read books in the valet line, talked about her feelings and funny interactions from the day, and quite surprisingly, errands became a source of fun.
All In Favor Of Playful
At heart and when I’m able to full let go, I’m incredibly goofy, and I love laughing and a good joke. Yet, this fun Mom is also human and gets caught in the everyday hustle of life and old rigid patterns of operating. Playing DJ has provided countless nudges for how I want to show up. I want goofy to override hustle and I want Carter and Violet to understand the value of playfulness and spontaneity. Therefore, I need to embody this fun vibe and model that life has different shades; yes, there’s a time and place to be serious, but responsibility doesn’t negate the need for play.
