Welcoming Reality: You Can't Do It All
I can’t do it all
I often find myself in this space coming out of a 4-day weekend with my kids. My kids have my undivided attention for four days, which means I don’t open my computer once and zero work gets completed.
Tuesday comes, and while I experience slight panic about what needs to get completed, I’m reminded that I desire to be the Mom who is present, makes room for fun and is hands-on with both Carter and Violet. This is my parenting priority.
As I shared this with a close colleague of mine, she guided me to this video.
It resonated big time and I realized the following:
An old pattern of being could no longer survive alongside my re-defined parenting priorities. I no longer needed to take pride in being Super Mom, over-extending myself in every direction and taking on extras that signaled, Look at me, I’m a good Mom.
My true self is a single Mom to two amazing kids AND an ambitious entrepreneur who loves her career. Knowing that these two things can hold space together, I’m also reminded that the idea of a work-life balance is mythical; an illusion that ignites parenting guilt and shame if we’re not too careful.
So, when you hear yourself saying, I can’t do it all.
You’re right, You can’t and that’s perfectly okay.
Like Shonda Rhimes shared, a trade-off does exist, especially if you want to put your best forward, so ask yourself,
What makes me happy?
Understanding the Pressure to Do It All
There’s immense pressure to excel in every role we take on, whether as parents, professionals, partners, or friends. This pressure often leads us to believe that we should be able to handle everything, therefore perfection becomes the driving force. This is not only unrealistic, but also detrimental to our mental health and overall well-being. As a therapist, I see caregivers struggling with the belief that they have to do it all. It's crucial to recognize that prioritizing is not about neglecting responsibilities, but about making conscious choices that align with your values, goals and personal priorities.
The Myth of Work-Life Balance
I’ve never liked this term work-life balance. While I can appreciate the intended meaning, the reality is the scale typically tips in one direction or the other. Riding the wave of disproportion, I prefer to find a flow. When in flow, there’s an expansion that starts to take place; not only is it easier to recognize when the scale is tipping, we also understand that this imbalance is temporary. Therefore, we create more space to detach from an unrealistic expectation of what needs to, or should, happen.
Let’s take a moment to reframe this concept. Instead of striving for balance, think about integration. How can your professional and personal lives coexist in a way that respects and nurtures both?
Reflecting on What Makes You Happy
When Shonda Rhimes talks about trade-offs, it’s a reminder that we can’t give 100% to every area of our lives simultaneously. Reflect on what makes you happy and align your choices with those insights. Happiness often comes from living authentically and in accordance with your values, rather than meeting external expectations.
You can’t do it all, and that’s perfectly okay, so remember to embrace the priorities that matter most to you. By redefining what success looks like for you personally, you can find peace in the choices you make.
