The Art of Apologizing to Your Teen: Why It Matters
Have you ever stopped to really consider what an apology means—not just for the person on the receiving end, but for the individual giving it? As parents, apologizing to our teens can feel a bit unsettling. Aren’t we supposed to be the ones who know better? As caregivers, we see ourselves as wearing many hats. We can be guides, coaches, protectors, nurturers, and we often find ourselves taking on an authoritative role.
Authority when used recklessly can create shifts in how we observe our role as caregivers, placing emphasis on needing to be in control and creating a narrative that we need to have all the answers. So, what happens when we make a parenting mistake? If we’ve leaned into more of a perfectionistic authority, then taking responsibility and apologizing when we’ve drifted of course will be a muscle we need to strengthen.
Here’s the truth, apologizing—when it’s raw, thoughtful, and real—is one of the fiercest tools we have for building trust and repairing the sometimes, messy moments that will inevitably happen as we continue to evolve as parents.
Apologizing as a Form of Modeling and Leadership
Often times, I ask parents to think on these two questions: 1) What does it mean to lead as a parent? And 2) What if true leadership in parenting isn’t about being perfect but about showing up with integrity and humanness?
We consistently ask our teens to take responsibility for their actions, to learn from their mistakes, and own their emotions, yet how often are we modeling the same thing as parents?
How often are we admitting that we got it wrong, or better yet, that we have no idea what we’re doing? By apologizing, we show them that accountability is about integrity. I wonder, how might the tone of our households change if apologizing became a shared practice rather than a rare one?
The Anatomy of a Meaningful Apology
Not all apologies hit the mark. It certainly isn’t enough to simply provide a two-word blanket statement of “I’m sorry.” So what makes a meaningful apology? It needs to be deliberate, intentional, delivered with sincerity, and there’s an understanding that continued growth is a necessary next step.
Here’s a framework to guide you:
Acknowledge the action: Be specific about what you’re apologizing for and talk from an “I” perspective.
Validate their feelings: Recognize and name how your actions affected them.
Own your part: Take responsibility without deflecting or justifying.
Commit to change: Share how you’ll do things differently moving forward.
Take Actions that Show your Commitment to Change: Our teens are great at observing when no changes in behavior have been made. While taking responsibility is important, this step goes a long way in the eyes of your adolescent.
Apologizing with intention can feel awkward, at first, yet the essence of growth is about stepping into discomfort to create something better.
Connection and Vulnerability
I often reflect on how important vulnerability is in our connections with our teens. So much of parenting feels like we’re supposed to have all the answers, but what if connection is less about knowing and more about being willing to show up, imperfections and all?
When we apologize, we’re inviting our teens into a space of mutual respect. We’re sharing with them, “I value you enough to take responsibility for my mistakes.” As time goes on, this practice helps build a space where they can comfortably acknowledge their own mistakes and believe that the relationship can handle the challenging times. Isn’t that what we’re aiming for—a relationship grounded in trust and authenticity?
Final Thoughts
Apologizing to your teen isn’t about giving up authority or letting them “win.” It’s all about building connections and demonstrating that, even as adults, we continue to grow and learn. When we show them how to navigate this, we’re not just being parents—we’re helping them get ready for a world that appreciates empathy, accountability, and resilience.
I wonder, what might shift in your relationship with your teen if apologies became part of your dialogue? Would it seem more like gaining a deeper connection rather than giving something up? Sometimes, the simplest gestures—like a sincere “I’m sorry”—can lead to meaningful change. the fiercest thing we can do is admit we’re human—and that simple, vulnerable act can change everything.
