What is Developmentally Normal?
Is my teen’s behavior considered “normal?”
This is a common question for loved ones, and one that doesn’t come with a black or white, clear-cut answer…
Sometimes it’s hard for parents to tell what’s what, especially when we have to decode and integrate different pieces of information, such as
What’s considered “normal” adolescent development?
Where does “normal” development end and a need for concern enter the picture?
How do I know if there’s something more, such as anxiety, depression, or another mental health concern?
These are all great questions, and one key factor to look for is a significant change or changes in mood, behavior, or performance.
The term “significant” is subjective; this isn’t about comparing your teen to another teen, but rather comparing your teen’s previous mood, behaviors, and performance to their current state in these three areas. “Significant” is also relative; it can signify drastic changes, but also smaller changes that cue your parent radar that something doesn’t feel quite right.
Drastic changes will be easier to observe, such as academic concerns due to increased conflict or a sudden refusal to go to school, increased anxiety or panic attacks, or crying episodes that seem to come out of nowhere.
Some more subtle changes can include changes in personality, sleep patterns, or eating behaviors; withdrawal or isolation from family and/or friends; difficulty concentrating and paying attention; fatigue and loss of energy; physical symptoms such as stomachaches or headaches; and sadness or overwhelm.
As you read this, you might feel as though your teen could meet some of these criteria, so it’s also important to take into context what’s happening in their inner world and their outer landscape. Stressors play a role here.
For example, it’s quite normal for a teen to experience poor sleep the evening before an exam, yet it’s more concerning if they experience panic attacks and nausea the entire week leading up to an exam.
Other stressors to keep in mind include life changes, such as
moving to a new home
divorce
environmental shifts (i.e. large crowds or entering a quiet space)
sudden changes or an unexpected loss
social factors (i.e. maintaining friendships, peer pressures, bullying)
traumatic events
Much of this decoding is about knowing your teen and keeping an open dialogue with them, as well as their teachers and other communities that interact with your teen.
This way, if something feels off or different, you can confidently reach out to ask for their observations of your teen’s mood, performance, and behaviors, and any changes they may have observed. Oftentimes, these other communities have insights that we can’t know because we aren’t in that environment.
Risk and protective factors additionally influence mental health and well-being.
Risk factors in mental health include characteristics, conditions, or behaviors that increase the likelihood of an individual developing a mental health disorder. Risk factors in teens can include a family history of mental illness, trauma, chronic stress, questioning sexual identity and sexual orientation, chaotic family and home life, substance abuse, medical conditions, developmental disabilities, poverty, and involvement with the juvenile justice system.
Protective factors include characteristics, conditions or behaviors that decrease the likelihood of developing a mental health disorder and reduce the negative effects of risk factors. Protective factors include strong community supports, healthy relationships, a healthy lifestyle such as consistent physical activity and maintaining a healthy diet, family support, a positive self-image, opportunities for learning, and coping skills to manage stress and increase problem-solving capabilities.
Prevention and early detection are important. Prevention is defined as any type of intervention that promotes or enhances protective factors and supports teens with emotional regulation, resiliency, healthy coping skills and encouragement of social interactions and relationships in the community. If you suspect that your teen is struggling with mental health concerns, ask for help. Early intervention and treatment can greatly support all teens.
PARENTING TIP: HAVE A BASELINE FOR COMPARISON
When observing significant changes in your teen around mood, behavior, and performance, it’s helpful to have a baseline of comparison already in place. If you occasionally take inventory of where your teen stands emotionally, socially, academically, physically, mentally, spiritually, etc., you’ll be better able to identify when significant changes occur that may require intervention. This inventory can be done through your own assessments, observations from others, and talking with your teen regularly about how things are going.
Remember, “normal” is a subjective term—every individual has their own normal, and it’s not good practice to compare a teen to other peers. “Significant” is a relative concept that helps guide potential next steps when comparing your teen’s previous mood, behavior, and performance to their current presentation in these three areas. Stressors, risk factors, and protective factors will also point to what level of additional support your teen may need.
